he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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