she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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