I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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