I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
