I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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