so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
