I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
