just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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