I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
