Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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