So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
