Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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