Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
