She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
