Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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