alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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