yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
