Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
