My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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