So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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