Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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