I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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