This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
did i walk over a car last night?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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