Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
