oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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