I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm lost and stupid without you.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
