I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
