I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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