he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
