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I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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