I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
