Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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