i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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