I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
