i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I didn't notice because vodka
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
