I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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