If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
