do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
