All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
