I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
