Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
