So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
