your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize