I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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