Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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