Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
