all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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