i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
