I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
