I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
