You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
