no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
