We won't sleep together?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Randomize
