wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
