After last night, I could never be a politician.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
