Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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