Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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