when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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