I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
