drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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