i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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