If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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