I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
