Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
